he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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