Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
