Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize