what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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