I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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