I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
