So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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