youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
