I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
