My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
