He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
now i know why i became what i already was.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
