First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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