quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
