smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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