apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
