Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize