Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
