I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
