party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
