so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
