Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
