You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
