**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
