please come you make the beer taste better
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
