no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's blow job season.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
