I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize