I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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