Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
