butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
