Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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