All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So much Jack, so little girl.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
