I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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