Kiss
Puke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
