The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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