i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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