you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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