How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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