It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
