I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
