I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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