she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize