I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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