I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
