i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
