just tell him i said nine months
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
