So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
