Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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