i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
