If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
