Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
