When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is dick and wine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize