I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
