I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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