I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
