my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i would punch a child for taco bell
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
