It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
