If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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