We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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