Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
