took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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