Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
