My room smells like vodka and shame
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
