I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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