Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
