Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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