yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
