Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize